


Numb

by arynna



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 10:36:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arynna/pseuds/arynna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a 30 day prompt challenge. Hekate (Heci) faces down her demons and learns to break down her emotional barriers. Mine and my partner's OC's yet again. Why? Because I can. Warning: Some smut. Don't like? Don't read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Numb

_If I don't feel anything, they don't have the power to hurt me anymore. If I take the control out of their hands, they are left with nothing. Nothing they say, nothing they do will be able to harm me. I am capable of this. No response, no anger, no rage, no tears. Don't let them know they've hurt you. You were named for a Goddess. Act like one._

                  Heci was a proud, proper girl. No-one would ever guess how fragile she was under the mask. She kept such a stoic, studious mask up around her Housemates, her Quidditch team; that many thought she was entirely mis-sorted. They whispered that she should have been in Slytherin, or anywhere but Ravenclaw. She kept to herself, taking her meals largely alone save for a few 'friends', and taking care to at least remain somewhat jovial to her fellow Quidditch players.  
Her sister was everything she never wanted to be. They were both beautiful, but her sister weilded that beauty like a knife. She had the capacity to be caring, and occasionally even kind. This was vastly overshadowed by the fact that she still believed in the Pureblood racism that was the reason her parents had never taken sides in the Second War. Heci still remembered the screaming, the fighting that had gone on the night her sister had shown her true colors.  
             "--AND YET HERE WE ARE, FATHER! A HOUSE OF MUDBLOODS AND ATROCITIES! ASK HEKATE WHAT SHE GETS UP TO IN THE QUIDDITCH LOCKER ROOMS! ASK HER! YOUR FILTHY MUGGLE BLOOD HAS TWISTED HER MIND! YOU ARE A DISGRACE, FATHER. HECI, TELL HIM."  
               That hadn't been how she wanted to tell her family she fancied women. Fortunately, her Father had put her sister in her place--her mother looking equal parts horrified and repulsed by the viritrol coming out of her oldest daughter's mouth. Despite being a Slytherin herself, Heci's mother was more the 'ambitious, nuetral' type of Slytherin.  
They could only assume that Heci's sister had gotten her strange ideaology from the ragtag groups that sprung up on the outskirts of Diagon Alley. Heci's parents had their hands full trying to change their oldest daughter's ways. For now, they had succeeded into at least having her act respectable to her fellow witches and wizards. It was a vast improvement from when she channeled Lucius Malfoy. When Heci had dared say that at the dinner table, her mother had slapped Heci so hard she'd chipped a tooth.  
      _"Never say that name again, Hekate. Do you understand?"_  
           Oh, she understood all right.  
           It was at this crux that she found herself, 15 and hardly ever been kissed. She didn't count fumbling with her Quidditch teammates in the locker rooms, despite what her sister might have said. Truly, there had been no-one she deemed worth her time. Heci was very intelligent, and did not want to have to explain her thoughts or the way her mind worked to anyone that might not understand. She had standards that needed to be kept, and she was not one to bring further dishonor upon her family by dating a woman that might not fit her family's idea of suitable. Some found the archaic, but truly--it was the least Heci could do for her parents. They did not impose many rules on her, nor did they disown her for dating within the same gender. They merely asked that she find someone respectable. It was a small price to pay for her sanity and her freedom.  
             She had built her walls up so high around herself that she scarcely noticed when someone tried to break them down. That was, until she walked into Heci's life. Colette. A curvy, ambitious Slytherin with hair like the darkest Honeyduke's chocolate and emerald green eyes. The girl had been rather rudely occupying Heci's space for Transfiguration, and when Heci had addressed the issue, she'd gotten so worked up over it that her hair had fallen out of its arrangement. She held her hair back with knitting needles, a craft she'd been learning from a fellow Ravenclaw. When Colette had brushed the stray strands of hair back behind Heci's ear, it was like her very foundation had been shaken to the core.

      This woman was different. There was something about her. Heci knew she had to get to know her.

                  She'd managed to convince Colette she was just as intelligent as she'd claimed, and the two soon were studying together, taking meals together, and sometimes Colette would even cheer her on at Quidditch practice. She hated to say it, but they were friends. The day she realized she was falling in love with Colette had come as a surprise, however. Colette was in an advanced Potions block with the Seventh years, and she waved Heci into the room where cauldrons were bubbling away. Heci took a sniff, experimentally--you never could be too careful with Potions. Strawberries, old books, and...Oh. Oh dear. That was Amortentia, and the final note was Colette's very expensive French apothecary perfume.  
              Just as suddenly as Heci had identified the blend of scents, it was gone.  
            "Well? What's yours like?" she asked, a cheeky grin lighting up the Slytherin's face.  
             "I beg your pardon! It's not proper to ask that. How utterly distasteful. You do know Amortentia is only taught at Hogwarts for academic purposes, right?" she said, huffing and crossing her arms. Colette chortled with laughter.  
           "Bloody Hell! Calm down. For what it's worth, mine's woodsmoke, winter air--"  
           "Air has a scent?"  
            "Shut up, Heci! It really does."  
           "Well then, go on." she said as Colette packed up her things and put her collapsable cauldron away.  
           "If you're not telling me, I'm certainly not telling you." she replied enigmatically.  
            "Hmph. Fine then."

_A few months later..._

                 She'd tried to push Colette away. It hadn't worked. They'd fought bitterly, not speaking for weeks. A stray bludger had caught Heci during a Quidditch match, and she'd been laid up in the Hospital Wing for about two weeks. When she came to, she thought she smelled something vaugely familiar. A feminine scent hung on the air, but she couldn't quite place it. Her sister's face greeted her, looking surprisingly worried from behind the pile of cards and candy Heci had recieved.  
             "She sings to you. In French. She's here every second of every bloody day she's not in class. I don't speak French. I'd imagine it's something romantic and disgustingly sappy. Hekate, I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but...You are my sister. I want you to be happy. Colette Marchand is a driven, ambitious woman that is going to go places in this world. If she loves you half as much as I think she does, you'd be a fool to turn her away. By the way, I ate all your Ice Mice. I know you hate them. You're welcome."  
              With those parting words, her sister walked out of the Hospital Wing just as Colette walked in, leaving Heci breathless and reeling. Colette? Love her? Not in a million years. Everyone knew Colette was as queer as they came, but...To think she had eyes for anyone was foolishness. It was all she ever heard, day in and day out: "Love is a waste of time." from Colette. She considered romance far beneath her. Much like Heci used to, before Colette came along.  
                After Heci had been released from the Hospital, she took it upon herself to try to show Colette how she felt. She let her walls down, little by little, until there was no barrier left between the Slytherin and herself. Colette had continued to refuse any affection from Heci, although that 'affection' was usually smiles, shy glances, and little notes during the day. Heci didn't think she'd ever have the courage to kiss her.  
              Eventually, all things break. Including her. She and Colette were sitting in the Ravenclaw common room, and Heci was glaring at the Slytherin for all she was worth. Pain, rejection, and utter humiliation caused her pulse to hammer in her ears. She steeled herself for the words from Colette, the woman she'd come to love.  
Instead, what met her ears was, "I love you too."  
               She didn't let Colette finish the sentence before she'd toppled them both to the ground and kissed the other woman like her life was depending on it. At that very moment, it was. Kissing Colette was like walking in the sunlight, reading a good book, and eating fresh strawberries all at once. There was nothing at all that could have compared to this feeling.  
           Or so she thought.  
            The first time they'd made love, it was in Colette's private dormitory. How she'd gotten a private dormitory was beyond Heci, but as the Slytherin girl's hands roamed her skin--she found she didn't much care. Colette touched her like she was going to disappear, and everything felt much too hot, painful almost. Compared to being numb, Heci's every nerve was on fire with want. Her skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat, and when Colette's fingertips brushed against her she thought she could die happy. This was changed to a definite, she knew she could die happy when she felt Colette's warm tongue trace the path her fingers had. Colette knew just how to touch her, and when Heci had fallen over the edge, Colette had been there to catch her with whispered words of love and adoration.  
           Now they spent the nights together, as many as they were able. Heci snuggled up to Colette at night, and they'd talk about everything and nothing at all until they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer. Heci had gotten them box tickets to the Quidditch World Cup that Summer, and Heci proudly wore the beautiful custom made necklace that Colette had procured her for her birthday that year.  
          "I know it's not a ring, but someday it will be."  
           As Heci covered her blush--and her tears of joy--in Colette's jumper, she found herself wondering how she could have ever thought that numbing herself to emotion was the proper thing to do. There was nothing better than this. Colette had brought her so many things, so much joy...But above all, she'd given Heci a reason to live, truly live her life to its fullest potential. That was worth more than Heci could ever say.


End file.
